Poetry by Amanda J. Bradley

Dale Cruse CC




When I Finally Went to Rehab

The women there had reeled through childhood, 
learning to survive—how to cook mac ‘n cheese,
when to hide quietly in another room, when to
cover their heads if the blows came anyway,
how to fight back once they were big enough.
They’d been tough since they were toddlers,
many out on their own as teens. They had jobs
in fast food, factories, sex work. They were in 
for meth, heroin, fentanyl, crack. They had 
court dates to get kids back, had spent time
in prison, hated their probation officers 
and lived in fear of dropping dirty. They had
no partners, no money, no job, no insurance,
no car, no home, no friends who didn’t use.

We sat in nondescript rooms with facilitators
mirroring our addictions back to us through
the filter of recovery language. We raised 
our hands and shared snippets of our lives,
some facilitators drilling down until we 
cried in relief, finally feeling understood.
We stood, backs against the wall in line 
before smoke breaks, jonesing together, then
sat in the shade under giant umbrellas in the
courtyard dragging on cigs: That lipstick color
looks so good on you! and What a cute shirt.
Is it from Temu? and Girl, they better 
have biscuits and gravy tomorrow. Those 
eggs were nasty. After classes and dinner,
we painted each other’s nails, made bracelets
we traded in the rec room, braided each
other’s hair, swapped Netflix passwords
and recommendations on what to watch.

Now we follow each other on Facebook, 
send texts, chat on the phone sometimes.
The one who dubbed me A-Beezy in rehab
lives nearby, and we get together. One 
texted My rehab girls are friends for life.




Amanda J. Bradley has published three poetry collections with NYQ Books: Queen Kong, Oz at Night, and Hints and Allegations. Amanda’s poetry, fiction, and essays appear in literary magazines such as Pedestal, Rattle, The Account, X-Changes, Pif Magazine, Paterson Literary Review, Chiron Review, Lips, The New York Quarterly, and Gargoyle. Her work has been nominated for a Pushcart and for Best of the Net. She recently became Editor-in-Chief of The New York Quarterly.  


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