Poetry By Christine Higgins

Forest Wander CC




Why My Daughter Chose Me


She knew
I could embrace the idea
that just because I gave birth to her, 
she didn’t belong to me.

She knew that for the longest time
I didn’t want to have a child, afraid I would screw it up.
So it made perfect sense
for her to be so wild, 

a sparkler, a Christmas cracker,
a firework you can’t contain. 
Conceived in love--
a product of hot desire.  

I was an artist, and so
she figured I would let her be one, too.
She could glue things to her bedroom walls--
rattail combs, album covers—and paint
pink stars on the ceiling.

She knew I was smart in the way
she needed me to be— to intervene, 
to mediate, to save her from falling. 

I had lived a whole life before her.
She knew I would survive, she knew I had guts.
She could teach me about letting go.

​



Take A Tour of Treatment


Welcome to the program.
That’s what our patients say--
I’m on my way to the program.
They mean this clinic or another one
where nurses dispense methadone.

It’s called methadone maintenance--
people are here to maintain abstinence.
It’s not easy when you’re hit up 
on every corner 
to try something free--
oxy, 512s, black beauties, skittles.
Dealers want their customers back.  

Methadone is an agonist, that is:
against the effect of heroin.  
It doesn’t make you high.
So, If you see someone on the sidewalk 
listing like a rowboat at low tide,
it may be from using additional substances.     

Did you happen to notice the marigolds
in the tree wells when you came inside? 
Our patients planted them, hoping 
to make the street a bit more cheerful. 
Old Joe volunteers  to sweep away
the cigarette butts that litter the sidewalk.
            
We consider everyone to be in some 
stage of recovery even if it’s not going well. 
Just like taking medicine for other chronic
diseases—high blood pressure or diabetes--
you need to stick to a routine. 

Some  of our patients you won’t see today.
They reported here early this morning.
They have full-time  jobs—accountant, hair stylist, 
store owner.  Fathers and mothers who
who care for parents, siblings, their own children.  

Ah, you’re in luck, here’s Barry, 
our longest-running counselor. 
He’s been in recovery for 25 years.
Later today, his AA group will sit around 
a long table and tearfully admit to each other
You guys are my family.  

​



Choose Silence
    
                                                
              Instructions for running a therapy group for people with substance use disorders


Try      to     say     as      little     as     possible

You don’t need to educate, admonish, advise or even sympathize.

The best you can do is

listen                  listen                   listen

Your ears should be so open, they tingle.  

Take in every syllable of pain,  of regret.

You can repeat what is said, Using drugs was the norm in your family.

No new thoughts  No direction.  No correction.
Try not to disturb the delicate balance.

Just as, in meditation, you welcome thoughts,
allow several different responses to come and then
let them go.                                                                     
                                                                           
                                Wait to hear the wisdom of the group--

                                 it  will come more easily if you are quiet.

​

​
Christine Higgins is the author of Hallow, published in Spring, 2020 by Cherry Grove Press. She is the co-author of In the Margins, A Conversation in Poetry (Cherry Grove, 2017). Her chapbook, Hello Darling, won second place in the Poetry Box competition in 2019. She has been supported by the Maryland State Arts Council for her work in fiction and non-fiction. Lately, she has become interested in creating collages and art installations. Her collage work has appeared in the journal, Ranger.