Poetry by jennifer del castillo

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I figured it out.
It'll always be me.
I'm the common denominator as to why people behave the way they do around me.
Even though I have made changes in my life, it'll always be me.
Like the recovering addict that hasn't had a drug in years, the stigma will always be there.
Spoken or unspoken.
It'll always be me.



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Maybe I'm fighting for something I never really had
Happiness, which is told is my birthright
Told that it is everyone's’ birthright
Yet there's no sense of happiness or joy
Because the damages have been done from the “community”
Being kind to others in my life who in return talk about me behind my back; critical of who I am and what I'm trying to do with my life
Even though it is a daily struggle to work towards being “better”
People who disparage others while their own lives are a mess
The glass house that's full of holes
Trying to regain some sense of consistency and normalcy with physical and mental health but it is a struggle everyday
Asking for openness and honesty from others, yet things are being hidden and people being protected
Not until words are spoken and things are revealed does the truth come into the light
People shying away from me because “I'm too much to handle”
Because I ask for openness, kindness, respect?
It must be me
It has to be me
Maybe I'm the problem
Maybe I'm fighting for something that I never really had after all

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Bio: jennifer del castillo came into writing and photography, as a way to find meaning in life after becoming disabled and recovering from trauma. the intention she looks to create is not to be perfect with the work. instead it is up to observers to come up with their own interpretations. you can find her at smallslowstep.com and on Twitter/Instagram (@smallslowstep).

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