1981-2017 by Claudia Tesni

1981-2017

Grief for you
isn't a heavy silent ocean floor or
a hellscape of arrhythmia,
isn't swollen eyes, nerve pills, proper gravesites,
isn't an ordeal of tears and knives.

It's lost aching hallucinations and visions
and screaming in my mind's eye
It's a haunting,
it's a poltergeist.
__________

Part of me wants to be generous, like
“how can I turn my back on decades of this?"
This push and pull between tenseness,
distance, diffidence, sisterliness

But this body’s vengeance is brutal and gory
It’s a near-death to remind you
That you never claw your way
out of your own story

And I think I’ve gotten sick watching her
write her own myths
Like the truth is too stark and big – and it is.
Finally, you’re toying with something
of consequence
Playing a losing game
I wouldn’t play it, sis. 
__________
​
You can always back out
Better for you that
you catch hold of that fact
And wear it quiet and close
​
No one can keep you there
Never let them know that you know.

​

Claudia Tesni has been writing poetry since childhood. She is a lifelong recluse, a visual artist, a naturalist, a guerilla gardener, and a forest janitor. She usually writes about isolation, dreamscapes, betrayal, and folk magic. Her visual art is somewhat available @ozomeneabominations on Instagram. Her poetry usually isn't available, but she's trying to be a bit less secretive about it. 

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