Grief for you
isn't a heavy silent ocean floor or
a hellscape of arrhythmia,
isn't swollen eyes, nerve pills, proper gravesites,
isn't an ordeal of tears and knives.
It's lost aching hallucinations and visions
and screaming in my mind's eye
It's a haunting,
it's a poltergeist.
Part of me wants to be generous, like
“how can I turn my back on decades of this?"
This push and pull between tenseness,
distance, diffidence, sisterliness
But this body’s vengeance is brutal and gory
It’s a near-death to remind you
That you never claw your way
out of your own story
And I think I’ve gotten sick watching her
write her own myths
Like the truth is too stark and big – and it is.
Finally, you’re toying with something
Playing a losing game
I wouldn’t play it, sis.
You can always back out
Better for you that
you catch hold of that fact
And wear it quiet and close
No one can keep you there
Never let them know that you know.
Claudia Tesni has been writing poetry since childhood. She is a lifelong recluse, a visual artist, a naturalist, a guerilla gardener, and a forest janitor. She usually writes about isolation, dreamscapes, betrayal, and folk magic. Her visual art is somewhat available @ozomeneabominations on Instagram. Her poetry usually isn't available, but she's trying to be a bit less secretive about it.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.