again by Stephen House

                  Jarrett CC



again 

for eight vulnerable months 
i rode the well-worn wagon of almost strong and clean 
but i crashed down with a hard clunk 
slid into the mess 
again

i despise the washy game of nothing matters anymore
i so don’t want to play 
please don’t snag me back and back 
i beg to something greater 
that must somehow understand

when i stand proud and high 
on the wobbly sober carriage of daily fearful hope
i am that man i really am
innocent of my stinking drinking diversion                 
i smile genuinely
not cackle on in flooded dreams
dancing days away with invisible trickery 
of my muddled mind in worthless thought 
with soul drowned numb in body weak                      

and so i climb back on the not so trusty wagon 
again 
feeble from giving the ugly bottle another go
and trembling 
i stretch up towards the new blue sky 
above the sneaky hypnotising temptation
quietly clanging around crumbling me
crying desperate hidden tears of disintegrating optimism
but trying 
with all that pleads within 

i will be ok 
i hope and pray in my too familiar way 
as i lay awake in savage dark
reduced to almost dead by my internal burning affliction

but slowly healing and nearly living life 
again

​
​

Stephen House is an award winning playwright, poet, actor. He’s won two Awgie Awards (Australian Writer’s Guild), First Prize Rhonda Jancovich Poetry Award,  Goolwa Poetry Cup, First Prize SA Writers Feast Prize & Second Prize Poetry at Sawmillers. He’s been shortlisted for Lane Cove Literary Award, Overland’s Fair Australia Fiction Prize, Patrick White Playwright and Queensland Premier Drama Awards, many poetry prizes, Di Cranston Script Award, and Greenroom acting Award. He’s received Australia Council literature residencies to Ireland and Canada, and an Asia-link to India.  His chapbook “real and unreal” was published by ICOE Press. Stephen is published/performs often.

---