Loneliness is a Killer, Connection is the Answer: An Interview with Singer-Songwriter Risa Rubin

                     Risa Rubin creates poetic tapestries of lived-in musical landscapes, much like a scrapbook filled with all of those unspoken truths which must find voice lest the most authentic parts of ourselves go speechless, in a life far too long and important for silence. The roots here are planted in the shadows of familial soil but are assuredly growing trees of their own making in the second chapter of life that is Jewish Unicorn. An album of immense courage, scarring, beauty and humor, which is equally important to Rubin; "one thing I was always insecure about was that I wasn't very funny," Risa says. "Humor is sort of the other side of sadness or the other side of music... I felt like being super honest in itself is a way to really show some of the humor of your life... I kind of just wanted to test the waters and say "these are all things that are wrong with me, are you going through this too?" and if the answer is yes then its like "Cool! I guess all of us on this planet can be friends!." I just want for me and for others to find that common ground, so we can really connect, and definitely not feel so alone. Thinking you are alone really is the killer, and I had spent so long thinking that, that I felt like I needed to tell someone and then I might finally be understood." Rubin's unique compositions and the utterly original, haunting voice which delivers these indelible stories of confusion, insecurity, and finding our selves in the midst of so much life-flooding, is a testament to the power of art and its ability to, if not transform us, at least help us find the necessary tools to tell our stories, and on our own terms. Risa goes for the truth every time, even when it hurts,  especially when it hurts. “In a family, what isn't spoken is what you listen for. But the noise of a family is to drown it out,” as Joyce Carol Oates once wrote. Jewish Unicorn is the voice that speaks after all of the flood waters have receded just enough to allow something else to come through. "At the beginning I certainly didn't have the tools to express myself yet... But by the time I made this album I felt like I was just starting to have the tools to speak more clearly on things I had gone through. That felt like it set me free of the past twenty years... Finding something that speaks to you is the greatest way to know you are not alone, and if I can do that for even one person I think it gives my life some real meaning and lets me know it is all okay!" 


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AHC: What have been your biggest heartaches and your biggest hopes when it comes to the music, the struggles and the triumphs of making sounds with your heart in a world that increasingly devalues what the heart makes?

Risa: That is a big question, and a really beautiful question. I hope I'm answering this properly. The heartache I think mostly stems from wanting desperately to make something truthful. The music I have made is definitely made by the part of me that feels most authentic to who I am and want to be-- and when it is not being acknowledged or received, sometimes I can't help but see that as the world rejecting me entirely. It can make a person feel quite hopeless or confused about what their path is in life when there are so many difficulties to trudge through while making art, and trying to be yourself, and that is something I have definitely felt. That said, the greatest feeling is when someone you do not know (such as you) finds your music, and finds something in it that speaks to them, and that reaffirms that I am doing the thing I am supposed to do in life. Finding something that speaks to you is the greatest way to know you are not alone, and if I can do that for even one person I think it gives my life some real meaning and lets me know it is all okay! 

AHC: Family life is a difficult subject for many of us, (where we come from as opposed to where we are now) I get the sense from this record that it's played a significant role creatively and is something you are working through bravely on this album. Has this process helped you to make fuller sense of those familial narratives while finding your footing along the way?

Risa: Thanks for noticing this! I wasn't sure if that even came through, but this is definitely what I was thinking about while I was making this. Yes is the answer. I think making this album was a way of me trying to announce myself as existing, and I'm sure thats what it is when anyone makes anything. Family is hard and sets you up to be a certain kind of person that I feel you almost always have to rebel against in some way. I grew up in a really chaotic household, there were a lot of difficult things that happened, but the main thing was that I felt a lack of safety and that I was really being silenced and overshadowed by everybody else. So it was extremely difficult for me to be myself and to make music, and the two felt intrinsically related. When I was 16, I kinda said to myself, you have to make a decision, are you going to be hiding all the time and pretend you are someone else?; or are you going to be you, and do the thing you've said you wanted to do your whole life? And at the beginning I certainly didn't have the tools to express myself yet, because I hadn't really played music much that whole time. But by the time I made this album I felt like I was just starting to have the tools to speak more clearly on things I had gone through. That felt like it set me free of the past twenty years.

AHC: When and how did the idea first come to you to make Jewish Unicorn a video album? Did you see these songs visually at first or did they only slowly start to come into focus much later? 
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Risa: I want to say I got the idea from Pipilotti Rist, who is a video artist, whose work I accidentally came across at a museum when I was 15. I had definitely never thought about video art before, but the scale of it, and the colors, and the music, and the way it all went together to create such a physical, full, experience really made me feel relaxed and just happy. I found out that she actually made her own music to go with all of her videos, and so I think I thought I would do the opposite and have videos to go with my music. Additionally, I think I've always felt like I want to do a million things, and at the time I made this album (two years ago) I felt really not tapped into any sort of music world or scene, and so I thought I might as well own that and do something different to sort of create my own world. Eventually the songs and the videos became one thing to me. In my mind, music was too limiting. If I could turn back time though, I probably would not have put myself in all of those videos. 

AHC: What do you think makes for a good (or honest) song, as you're writing and composing, is there a sudden moment when you know you've found the right mix, that perfect angle of light, so to speak, or does it come more in fits and starts? 

Risa: I definitely think I still have a lot to learn when it comes to songwriting, but I think a great song is one that can really conjure up a feeling or a sense of magic in the listener that can uplift them, or lyrics that feel really universal. Those are some of the things I hope my songs can do. Also I think overall in art, its important to figure out how to say something new, otherwise why be another person making noise. I can't claim to have done this haha, but maybe this is more along the lines of saying something old in a new way. Those are all important. Basically how to broach a new level of honesty and originality to move things forward. And then in terms of songwriting in general I think it always comes in fits and starts, I think the hardest part of it is sort of after you've found your angle with a song or the nice moment, and then figuring out how to make the rest of the song live up to that seed.

AHC: There is a great line in one of your songs where you sing; "Sometimes I wish I could be hospitalized so I'd never have to socialize," right there I think so many people can relate, at many moments in these songs you expose these very personal vulnerabilities and insecurities, it's difficult for most of us to do on almost any level, so the fact that you're doing it through music, dressing down not up, inward not out, is quite an achievement. Do you feel slightly less burdened by lifting the silence on this and putting these difficulties out there? Do you hope others can see and feel their lives in these songs too and maybe feel less alone in it?

Risa: Thank you! Yes and yes ! Saying these things was really important for me. I wanted to sort of reach a level of frankness when I was writing this, that I felt like I maybe didn't hear much in music, but I heard a lot in comedy or other art forms. This is kind of a tangent, but my family is very big into comedy, and one thing I was always insecure about was that I wasn't very funny. It was really important to me because it is sort of the other side of sadness or the other side of music (if you compare the two as art forms) if you say, and I felt like I definitely get the whole sadness thing but that I wasn't really able to poke fun at that. I felt like being super honest in itself is a way to really show some of the humor of your life. And I thought that line was so ridiculous, but funny in its boldness, funny because it is so true to how I felt at the time and still feel some days. Being able to laugh at that definitely releases the burden better than anything. I kind of just wanted to test the waters and say "these are all things that are wrong with me, are you going through this too?" and if the answer is yes then its like "Cool! I guess all of us on this planet can be friends!." I just want for me and for others to find that common ground, so we can really connect, and definitely not feel so alone. Thinking you are alone really is the killer, and I had spent so long thinking that, that I felt like I needed to tell someone and then I might finally be understood.​

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AHC:  Which musicians have you learned the most from? Or writers, artists, filmmakers, teachers/mentors etc? What are the works you could not possibly live without, the ones that have helped to pull you above water?

Risa: One artist I have always really loved is Miranda July. I think her perspective has honestly been the biggest influence to me because I feel like she is a rare artist who has figured out how to utilize herself in the best way to help other people connect. She executes everything so simply and beautifully, and you can think at first that this is all about her, but it has actually nothing to do with her and everything to do with her audience. She is just a vessel to sort of steer people in a new direction to think about things in a different way. I think she has sort of the perfect mix of all of the things I hope to accomplish when making art. Her intentions are so good and pure and filled with love but she is still sort of winking at you with a kind of voyeuristic sense of irony. In terms of works that have really saved me, the only thing coming to mind right now strangely enough is meditating and meditation music. I don't know if that counts exactly but I think that is definitely an art form in its own way and one that has really saved me from myself. So much art and music has inspired me, but ultimately I think the quiet you get from meditating or just having some spiritual practice is the only thing that has really pulled me above water, and allowed me to live. Knowing this has actually made me want my music to lean more towards that direction, because I think art needs a spiritual bent to be most effective.

AHC: What are the kinds of things that you tell yourself when you begin to have doubts or are struggling with the creative process? How do you move through your blocks? 

Risa: It depends on the day. Some days I am much nicer to myself than I am at other times. However, what helps the most I have really learned, is going back and looking at things I have made just to remember that I have actually made something before. I think sometimes I forget I have ever done anything at all, if it has been a while since I have felt productive. That, and I can just sort of forget what the goal of being creative is altogether. But if I go back and listen to a song or look at a piece of art I have made, I will know that this creative force has existed somewhere within me, so it must still be there. Then I get excited again to make something, and feel like I have a direction from where to branch off of.

AHC: Do you have any new projects in the works you'd like to mention?

Risa: Yes! I am finishing up an album (in the mixing and mastering stage) that I am looking to release ASAP! I am hoping it will come out soon and that I will be touring it within the year. I am currently looking for a label to release it. You will hear it soon!

If anyone wants to release it be in touch, no joke!

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To view the entire video album, Jewish Unicorn, as well as purchase songs, visit Risa Rubin on Bandcamp.

Also checkout her Facebook page to stay up to date on new releases.