Loneliness Turned Britney Spears into a Saint By Justin Karcher

Loneliness Turned Britney Spears into a Saint

Yesterday morning I ignored my libido
And instead ate a bowl of generic cheerios
The banana I cut up into little pieces and put on top was bruised
Like the boxer who goes up against Mayweather
And it all made sense to me 

Celibacy is like giving anorexia to your dick 
Does saying that make me misogynistic?

I can't tell sun from moon anymore
Does saying that make me a vampire?

Nevertheless, my depression is evolving in strange and interesting ways 

Now every bar I go to feels like the Galapagos
And every person I talk to is a giant sea tortoise
Some of them really get me going
Some of them have brunette hair
Some of them have eyes that burn islands into my throat
So that every time I speak it's never whole
Never a landmass of language and thought
Just a scattering of green in a silo of blue 

Evolution is being honest with yourself
I'm okay being alone, I'm happy about it

I've been seeing this girl for a while
I'm a blimp who likes being grounded
But I miss going up in flames 

Last night Aidan recalled the smell of factories
And how the stars looked way back when 

We laughed, told him he was born in the 90s
That he's full of shit
He laughed too
But there was an empty glass in front of him
So maybe it wasn't that funny after all

I kept trying to lock eyes with this girl
Who has pinwheels for feet
Who was wearing a dress of old Vogue covers
Sometimes she looks like a garden
Who has transformed into a human
We all have our issues and some of us wear them well

Another night of waiting for America to burn to the ground
Another night of watching bouncers drink coffee

Another night of watching them build bird baths outta fake IDs
Another night of binoculars getting drunk and vomiting on street corners

Another night of us sifting through the muck
And getting a closer look at our endangered parts

Another night of going home blind, putting on the news
And trying to fall asleep 

And sometimes while you're shaking
You'll hear your next door neighbors coming home drunker than you are
And loudly singing Britney Spears 
"My loneliness is killing me"

The Catholic in you is still going strong 
Sometimes you'll wake up in the middle of the night
And build crosses outta q-tips 

Sometimes there's this voice begging you to come back home
The voice will tell you that you need to evolve by any means necessary 
Or you will be killed

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Bio: Justin Karcher is the author of Tailgating at the Gates of Hell from Ghost City Press, http://ghostcitypress.tumblr.com/gcp003, the chapbook When Severed Ears Sing You Songs from CWP Collective Press, https://www.cwp-press.com/#/when-severed-ears-sing-you-songs/ and the micro-chapbook Just Because You've Been Hospitalized for Depression Doesn't Mean You're Kanye West from Ghost City Press, https://gumroad.com/l/karcher2017, as part of their 2017 summer micro-chapbook series. His recent work has appeared in Foundlings, Cease,Cows, Thought Catalog, varsity goth, Occulum and more. He is the Editor-in-Chief of Ghost City Review. His one act play When Blizzard Babies Turn to Stone premiered in February at Alleyway Theatre in Buffalo, NY. He tweets @Justin_Karcher.

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