maps by Stuart Buck

​maps

1.
it's nine thirty and i am at school and
we are outside on a warm day and
its the first time i appreciate the
shorts they make us wear because
my legs are warm and my arms are
warm and guy taylor and me are
walking past the playground area
towards the beautiful woods that
we are warned about at the start
of each term but we can’t resist
because the trees look like broccoli
and the sun shatters into a million
tiny pins pricking the soft earth
floor because the leaves are real thick
like fur on bone and guy and
me don’t talk we never do we just
walk towards the forbidden fruit our
own garden of eden and as we near
the woods we turn to each other and
smile and he takes my hand and i am
thirteen but this feels so natural that i
could be thirty nine and i would still
be as excited and happy as i am now.

2.
once we are inside the woods we
have nothing to fear and the school
yard is so far away it may as well be
on the moon and the cries and shouts
of the children sound like a television
turned all the way down and we grip
each other’s hands tightly and i can
feel his palm is clammy and that makes
me even happier because mine is too.

3.
its dark now and we have been here for
ten minutes just walking and touching
and smiling and laughing and it feels
like just a second has passed but we both
know soon it will be time to go and rejoin
our classes and pretend that we are really
interested in math and art and swimming
and learning and really all we care about is
each other and the forest and those moments
when we can stop pretending and just be who
we are among the trees and the pins and the
flashes of light so bright you can taste them
with your tongue and the smell of the earth
and feeling of relief and i never want
to leave but then it is time to leave so we do.

4.
the last time i saw guy taylor was yesterday
and my teacher says i will never see him again
and if i am lucky i will be let back into school
but by god if i ever so much as touch anyone
he will throw me out and my mum is sad and
my dad is sad and i am sad because i do not
know if guy is sad and the thought of never
seeing him again makes my stomach turn
over and i didn’t even get a chance to say
goodbye or good luck or thank you or i
love you or hold him just one last time and
tell him that everything will be fine and not
to worry about who he is because he is a
walk in the fresh snow and a deep blue sky
and a night spent inside listening to the rain

​

Stuart Buck is a BOTN/BIFFY50 nominated poet and artist living in North Wales. His second book 'Become Something Frail' was released to critical acclaim on Selcouth Station Press in 2019. When he is not writing or reading poetry, he likes to cook, juggle and listen to music. He suffers terribly from tsundoku - the art of buying copious amounts of books that he will never read.

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