Poetry by Cass Opal

             half alive - soo zzzz CC



Going, going, gone

It didn’t take long for you to leave.
Even though you’re still physically here,
you aren’t here. 
When you lost yourself, 
everyone else lost you too. 

I don’t know where you went. 

It makes me cry to look at my baby pictures with you. 
How genuine our smiles seemed to be. 
But that’s the secret, isn’t it? 
The only thing that matters is how things seem to be.
You never loved me. Not really.

You loved the idea of me. 

Over time, you started to resent me. 
All of us, actually. Your children.
You even started to resent your wife, our mother,
because she loved us more than she loved you. 

It’s sickening to know my father lost his love for me because he no longer came first. 
It’s sickening to realize it was always like this. 
I used to be daddy’s little girl and now I can't  stand to be in the same room as you. 
Now, I’m ashamed to even be your daughter. To share your blood.

How can you choose to stop loving someone just because it got hard sometimes?

I guess you’re ashamed to be my father as well. 
You only ever loved the idea of me.
Loved the strangers that would stop and fawn over your adorable little girl.
You loved the attention. Loved feeling important. 
So when I grew up and you realized you had to share the stage, 
you left.

I'm sorry I don't sit down and shut up anymore. 
I’m sorry I wasn't the perfect angel you expected me to be. 
I’m sorry my mother raised me to stand up for what I believe in. 

Most of all, I'm sorry you aren’t here to see me grow into the strong young woman I am. 
Someone who knows her worth.
Someone who doesn’t take shit from anyone.
Someone who doesn’t wait for people to come back.

I wish I could give you the chance, 
but I know you won’t take it.

I waited for you once.
I looked for you. 
I believed you would come back.
Believed you would catch me when I fell. 

I never got to know where you went.
Because I fell,
and you were nowhere to be found. 
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Opal is a new, young poet out of Raleigh, North Carolina. Drawing inspiration from her older sister, Opal found her voice through poetry and wants to share messages of resilience and beauty. She enjoys performing and competing in local open mic or slam events and spending her free time with her friends. She loves to visit and write at the beach and makes a trip any time she can!

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