Poetry By Jenifer DeBellis

r. nial bradshaw CC




Phototaxis

Yeah, I am that girl, the one
who roamed the sub
until she drew the other kids
outside, outside their homes
from the other side of living 
room windows that did nothing
to hide their gloom & 
boredom, who drew them to her 
like pesty bugs that rush to the light. 

I am that girl, the one
whose sun was an otherworldly 
sun, whose light escaped
a darkness from childhood
night terrors, whose light
the darkness couldn’t snuff
no matter how many empowered
brats strived to bury it alive.  

I am that girl, the one the kids--
no matter their age--
chased & never caught, the one
who climbed faster & higher
without fear of falling or death
or living to feel like death.

I am that girl, the one who hit 
the boys, hit them hard & harder 
when she learned they wouldn’t 
hit her back, the one who attacked 
& attacked fast before 
they saw her coming for them.

I am that girl, the one
whose sorrow was a picture
window in a dimly lit
kitchen, one overlooking 
a field of spent goldenrod— 
sun-bleached & dried out--
a perennial built to survive
harsh seasons & trampling. 

Hell, I am that girl, the one
who resembled the rundown
house down by the train tracks,
the one with the tangled 
mess of curls & faded hand-
me-down dresses, the one with 
skinned & bruised skin 
that band aides couldn’t cover. 

I am that girl, the one 
who stopped running
from the boys when she grew
tired of running, when she
ran out of space to run,
the one who opened the blackout 
shades in that run-down house 
& pretended it was their light 
she let in to kill the hopes 
of those cruel girls
hiding in the shadows. 

I am that girl, the one
whose shadow those girls
tried to erase as they hoped
she’d die already, the one 
whose eye they hoped to poke
with a needle before they buried 
her dead or alive, the one
who crossed her own heart
& swore someday they’d 
swarm to her light again, 
this time trapped on the outside
of that windowpane
in her renovated home.  



​

​Jenifer DeBellis, M.F.A., is author of New Wilderness (Cornerstone Press, 2023), Warrior Sister, Cut Yourself Free from Your Assault (Library Tales Publishing, 2021), and Blood Sisters (Main Street Rag, 2018). Her freelance career spans over two decades, allowing her to ghostwrite and edit literary and mass media content. She edits Pink Panther Magazine and directs aRIFT Warrior Project and Detroit Writers’ Guild (501c3). She's featured in Psychology Today and Seattle's My Independence Report and her writing appears in AWP's Festival Writer, CALYX, the Good Men Project, Medical Literary Messenger, Solstice, and other fine journals. A former Meadow Brook Writing Project fellow, JDB facilitates summer workshops for Oakland University as well as teaches writing throughout metro Detroit. JeniferDeBellis.com.