Poetry by Jesse Keener

Morten Oddvik CC




Softening 

I don’t want to hate my mother
I don’t want to bite my nails 

Both so disgustingly soothing
The relief comes on a sliding scale 

Which is the immovable object?
Which is the unstoppable force? 

What happens if I quit?
What happens to that pain?

Where will my badge of honor live?
Who will I have to blame? 

There are plenty of ways to cope
But this coping is making me frail

I want to caress my mother’s face 
With baby blue painted nails 






Weathered


What happens when I cannot find the female rage? 
And if I still cater to the male gaze 
Where do I go? 
Where is my table? 

What do I do when I go through hell 
But my hands are still soft to the touch 
When I have the stories 
But no visible scars to prove it 
If when I’m through with it 
I’m still in it 

How many ticks must I have 
To prove this is bad 
Rather how much do I scream 
I don’t know how to be mean 
I want to be mean 
Do you know what I mean? 
Can I still feel seen 
Without being in a scene 
But there is only protagonist and antagonist 
And I am in between 

I once read “I envy those who stayed kind” 
But what about those that envy the soured 
The ones whose words spread like fire 
So that all they’re left with is ash from their power 
I am left with everything 
My kindness, my consideration 
And I want none of it 

I want to bring storms 
But it rarely rains in Southern California 
And when it does, it feels like it’s never enough 
Never enough rain 
Never enough rage 
It feels like a monsoon inside of me 
But I’m lucky to get a single cloud 

Maybe some wish for this weather 
But whether I like it or not 
I can’t control the weather 
But what if I could 
I can try
Should I? 


​
​
Jesse Rae Keener (She/Her) is a twenty something queer poet starting the journey of her publishing career whilst caring for children as her day job. She is an avid jeopardy watcher, dedicated thrifter and daily crier about the beauties and tragedies life affords us all. You can find her work on her Instagram @swag_girl_jesse_.