Poetry by Lauren Gargiulo

​Everything I have ever done to my body:

Bruised it
Cut it
Sexed it
Scratched it
Loved it
Hated it
Cursed it
Starved it
Fucked it
Stroked it
Changed it
Burnt it
Shaved it
Beat it
Dyed it
Torn it
Waxed it
Praised it
Pierced it
Kept it
Healed it
Fixed it
Marked it
Bled it
Worn it
Stretched it
Grew it
Bleached it
Honed it
Raised it
Owned it




Crushes-A Step-By-Step How to:

1. Fall so hard the butterflies in your stomach cannot catch you
2. When you’re not holding their hand, miss it
3. Think of the one time you accidentally said “I love you” to someone on date number ​five. Continue thinking about how uncomfortable it would be if you did it again whenever you’re around them.
4. Remember tangled limbs, compact questions and questionable alcoholic beverages and ache a little at the what-ifs
5. Conjure up six different breakup scenarios before the second date. All of them are your fault. Two involve your mother. One involves your flourishing career that you don’t have yet, one involves a pre-existing medical condition One involves a medical condition that you don’t have, that you’re not sure is medically possible anyway, one is just you, fucking up.
6. Swipe right a lot
7. Shave. Everything
8. Picture what you would look like if you were in my sheets instead of borrowed ones, in my bed instead of a makeshift one, here instead of there
9. Berate yourself for shaving everything because society is dumb, but also roll around your bed naked because it feels so good
10. Wait until they text you, then panic for a while, before replying
11. The next time you see them, take their hand and hold on

​

Heart is fire

When my heart would not stop beating /so fast, so hard it was tearing itself out of my chest/i
caught It in my right hand, match in my left hand/life became fire /blood once again fuel
instead of whatcouldhavebeen congealing in my veins/tearing up the oxygen in my lungs /i put
the ashes back inside the cavity of my chest/fell into a painless sleep for the first time in
weeks/as i was dreaming of feeling like what i heard healthy was/it regrew, fire proof.
So i took a lighter to my hair/started a fire from top to bottom/until all that was left
was/defects/Everything I was burnt up/except the proof/
I Was Here.

​

Bio: Lauren Gargiulo is a published writer from and living in Vancouver BC. Lauren is currently completing a BA in English Literature from Queen’s University. In the little spare time that exists, Lauren enjoys reading, working on screenplays and slowly but surely compiling beer and book related research for an upcoming blog. You can find Lauren on Twitter at @GargiuloLauren

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