Anti-Heroin Chic
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Music
  • Art
  • Comedy
  • About Our Contributors
  • Masthead
  • Issues
  • About our contributors - 2019
  • About Our Contributors - 2020
  • About Our Contributors - 2021
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Music
  • Art
  • Comedy
  • About Our Contributors
  • Masthead
  • Issues
  • About our contributors - 2019
  • About Our Contributors - 2020
  • About Our Contributors - 2021
Search by typing & pressing enter

YOUR CART

​

3/29/2021 0 Comments

Poetry by Nico Lorraine

Picture
                ​Torsten Behrens CC



​
I show up to therapy with my mother,

And she is already there waiting for me,
a surprise since she’s never been on time a day in her life.
the therapist welcomes us in,
 
but there is only one chair for us to sit, and the therapist
asks if I want to sit on my mother’s lap,
but I know her touch is poison; I know she has mixed just the right dosage for me.
 
Mother cries she moved to Canada to give me a better life,
I look around and ask where is it then?
The therapist says I need to appreciate my mother’s sacrifices.
 
Mother lights a cigarette,
I ask why she lied about always being a smoker throughout my childhood,
she’s shocked, hurt, she’s never smoked a day in her life;
 
the therapist applauds her good life choices,
Leans over to light another cigarette hanging from my mother’s mouth.
I empty her purse and there’s nothing but nicotine patches and gum.
 
My mother holds up old used wax strips, laughs that my hairlessness is a myth.
I say she took me to my first appointment so I could stop looking like a man,
she swallows them whole, says I remind her of my father.
 
I tell the therapist how she sped into oncoming traffic screaming 
I’ll be the death of her and damned if she doesn’t take me with her; 
my mother cries, says I made her do this, 
says if I had been a better child none of this would have happened.
 
My sister walks in, both of us eye her, plead for her
to take our side, tell the truth about the other.
she opens her mouth, but before any words
 
come out, her tongue severs itself free and
flies out the window, faster than any of us can catch.
She goes to the corner and cries.
 
I tell the therapist mother loved me best in black and blue, throwing tv remotes
until my eyes blackened under her love. Mother sits like an angel, 
a halo of smoky innocence around her, says we never even owned a tv.
 
Mother vomits up poker chips and the therapist wheels 
in a blackjack table, starts dealing cards, says childhood trauma 
is the buy in. mother says since I blame her for everything,
 
I owe her my buy in, reaches into my throat to find my share.
Her stack of chips is taller than her four feet ten inches, 
she keeps tapping for another hit, says she’s never played before, how exhilarating as she
 
pulls another stack of chips closer to her, building a castle of safety
around her; but I know it’s only one wrong hit away from tumbling down.
The therapist keeps repeating my issues with my mother
could be solved if I just forgave myself and
 
offers me lavender oil to keep calm and destress,
I turn into a meadow meant only for my mother to trample,
the therapist anoints me in lavender again.
 
It’s the end of the hour, mother says she can’t pay,
asks to borrow a twenty, a fifty;
she turns it into pennies, hoping to hit the jackpot with the next one. 

​
​
Picture
Nico Lorraine is a queer latinx living in beautiful British Columbia with their cat. They find inspiration in the mountains and the forests, and writes poetry to remember and to relive.  

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

    Archives

    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    March 2023
    December 2022
    October 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.