Poetry by Sam J Grudgings

                Nicolas Henderson CC



Patron Saint of “Here We Go Again”
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Shadrach said to Abendego, "I don't feel 
these burns, brother, do you?"
 as Mishael hid his palms. It is only easier

to sleep with your demons rather than fight them
if you can prove you know them in the first place.
I'm not struggling to breathe 

                I'm just 

rewilding my lungs. This isn't praying 
its reclaiming, this isn't searching for 

this is hiding from. 
The only problem with being 

a follower of the gospel of Saint Knives
is making sure you are not so sharp you cut yourself.

A year of moments missed
because you were too busy
finding out how to live, is seldom an excuse, 
but you can pray if you really believe
you will change.

I've read more convincing scripture 
written in breath on mirrors I'm disappearing in
Today,  “I will not” is
 the "remains to be seen" 
of grieving and

my understanding 
is a schism, my stigmata a shibboleth
 I don't expect anyone else to pronounce.

Yes, this martyr complex is self inflicted.

​



The Doctors Morsecode Is Faint But Seems to Say Help Yourself


I mistook poison for  reward so often,
 prevention is just the process of knowing
most medicines are toxic,
whilst decorating cakes with painkillers the whole time.
 
Congratulations, you have one year since your last
tautology. Can I interest you in being both
in and not in a regressive state?

My immunity to good intentions
is unaffected, my tolerance to advice
is single pixel thin right now. 

What we have is a case of miscommunication,
her job is to ensure I continue
for a given value of onward.

Medicating on loss is easier
side effects look like symptoms
or lost functions. I am paradigm of un-purpose
so I just sit and swallow, hope for something more.

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Sam J Grudgings is a poet perpetually on the edge of collapse, he grew up in the punk scene and found Poetry entirely by accident but finds it's much more comfortable here. He can be found in his home City of Bristol or meandering up and down the UK shouting things at audiences and trying to disprove gravity amongst other things

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