Poetry by Sophia Jones

             ​Eric Sonstroem CC



"C”

     I swear I hadn’t lived a day in my life before I met you. You made me fall in love with the moment, introduced me to so many parts of myself I never thought would exist. Some part of me misses you. Hell, some part of me loves you still. Always has, always will. 

     There wasn’t a single thing we did together that made me feel anything but for some reason I still wanted you there. I wanted every part of you to be happy. To thrive. To start to breathe life in the same way everyone else did. Maybe that’s what I liked about you, you felt pain the way I did. 

     Seems so simple now but at the time I could've sworn you were an angel. Fast car, drugs, and temptation. Laying on your couch like there was no one else in the world. Two tattooed bodies wasting away in their own stoned oblivion, high off the sex and emotion of two perfect strangers. I still miss that “Journey” shirt even though you don't wear it anymore, and I miss Whitney and the diamond on your arm. 

      Hugs that lasted too long and lingering ideas of a nuclear family, stallion races and cold calls in the night. I loved you like a brother and kissed you like a lover and it messed with my head. You don’t have to miss me like I miss you, hell, you might not even remember most of it. But I remember everything and I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

     Grabbing my ass in the Home Depot, telling me you wanted to die, insecurity and a smile so crooked I fell apart. Cold glass and driving high, a driveway that looked like the highway at 2am. I’ll never forget walking with you to your room to lit candles and an unmade bed. Lying about having to work so so could see you again, only for a moment, lying with you in the house you shared with a family of strangers. 

     I trusted you. Older and wiser and the safest risk I could take. I made a home of your heart and you hardly noticed me there. Despite it all I loved you. I love you. I still do. I would’ve given you my everything and you wanted none of it. 

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“C, Part 2” 
      
      I hate that you said “I love you” too soon. I hate myself for hating that about you, and most of all I hate how you tricked me into meeting your family. You were the perfect mistake, took a piece of my apathy and turned it into love. White jeeps and late night calls, sleepy eyed stares and calling me out on the cuts on my arms. I knew you’d change me as soon as you called me yours. 

      Maybe that was why I left, cause you tried to own me. Make a fragile thing your own in the middle of the night. My friends wanted you more than I did and I think that made me proud, I had won and I didn’t want the prize. 

      You chased me for years and I liked the attention, in a way I guess it was a sick game I played to keep myself busy on lonely nights. Driving daddy’s Mercedes in the middle of the day, hiding from the cops and talking about a life we’ll never live. You were so sweet, so naive, and I played with your heart. I guess the game was enough until he came along again. 

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Sophia Jones is a girl chasing the moment, living too hard and loving even harder. From moments spent alone in the shower to hours in the spotlight, she tries to capture humanity as it is: beautiful, bright, and a little too big to take on alone.

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