Poetry by Yevgeniya Przhebelskaya

      ajdusatko CC


​1 in 8

I'm 1 in 8 -
appreciate the irony,
was afraid of babies
in my teens timidly dating,
in my twenties finally married and getting a Masters
in Elementary Education.
 
Now I'm over thirty, husband is over forty,
where is our child: our precious daughter, our son?
Our frozen chosen - in the fertility lab,
30% chance of success
- each time they tear out my body and soul?
In our unfinished adoption paperwork?
"Sorry to disappoint, but
as caregivers for a live in adult
you need a 3 bedroom house and 300% consent".
 
I'm 1 in 8
The other seven couples on the block
are having their first, second and third.
Should I get a dog? Or a bird?
Are my poems my children, a consolation prize from the Lord?
 



A Flower Grows In Vitro
 
A Schrödinger's cat
Inside my belly
Is neither dead nor
Alive
 
This two week wait
Of daily tally
Lost in smiles
And cries.
 
Big fat positive
Big fat negative
Rubbing my belly
After injections
 
He/she/twins
Are a petal
An IVF flower
Of Love




My Prayer
 
Two weeks later
A double pink line
 
Eight weeks later
A heat beat
 
Forty weeks later
A first cry
 
Today I am praying
When they put him/her inside...

 


PIO Injections
 
Oil dripping on the needle,
Scared and hopeful,
I turn my other cheek.
Needle glides inside,
I scream, I wait, I rest.
 
Tomorrow I will know,
If there will be more
Needles and pills,
Or if this journey has come
To a screeching stop.
 
The radio is on,
The TV is on.
We feast on ice cream,
I tear up a poem.
I cry, I wait, I rest.

 


Eulogy for the Unborn
 
Blood
is gushing
between my legs.
Our child
 is dying
before we've met.
A magnified photo
is all I have
left…
 
Medical bills
arrive,
reminding
of the precious
sweet and helpless
little person,
created
and stored
for the three happy months.
 
The seven
stages of grief
pass swiftly.
Was IVF
worth it?
My second unborn
is in Heaven.
And I am
writing…

Bio: One in eight couples suffers from infertility. Most men and women suffer in silence, a few of them document their journeys on personal blogs. Yevgeniya Przhebelskaya has found her voice by writing poetry. Her poems have been published in magazines in Russia and in USA. Yevgeniya is a founder and facilitator of Bergen Poetry Workshop, and an Administrative Assistant at Leonia United Methodist Church. She earned a Masters in Education from Hunter College, CUNY. Yevgeniya  hopes that her experience of suffering and healing will encourage people around the world. .Yevgeniya’s poems were published in Ancient Paths, A Blind Man’s Rainbow, Time of Singing, and The Penwood Review. Check out her poetry page at https://leonia.church/2018-archive/poetry-by-yevgeniya-przhebelskaya/

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