Standing Outside of The Outstanding by C.T. McClintock

                       ​Mayastar CC



STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE OUTSTANDING 
(for Alysia and Steve Abbott, @ The Poetry Project, Feb. 24, 2020)

This room is not for proselytizing
              In the same way that Catholics mourn their own fluids
But still in the back of a Manhattan church
              I witness a thing irrefutably God-fearing

Not God but Man, a stranger stranger
             Not fear but reverence, words cradled from a page
Not son of God but daughter of the Man--
              Wrapped in the esoteric giggles of non-disciples

I am standing on the outside of an outstanding thing
              I am a pagan acolyte, a willing foreigner
What have I witnessed? I don’t know the history
              But the Sunday kitchen tone is unmistakable

Walking this unmanned border, I am looking for something
               A memory I once climbed, a frayed hatband
Something familiar spun to pattern by the Man
               Who I’ve witnessed on nights spent loosening his spine.

Is that it? Do I feel it? Am I a familiar familiar?
               I don’t know her middle name but I know her pain
It’s the flavor of medical bills and hospital food
               It’s the burn in the crotch after IV Zofran

I am standing on the inside of 
                the grave, understanding

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C.T. McClintock spends her time these days wandering through the graveyard by her home talking to the souls that sit in the oak trees. She is a Doctoral Fellow at St. John’s University in Queens where she teaches writing and edits the Humanities Review. Her work has appeared in the Spring 2020 issue of Remington Review as well as in the Belmont Literary Journal and Amethyst Review. Follow her on Instagram (@c.t.mcclintock) for more of her writing.