Three poems by L D Diem

While they sleep
 
I am up sweet girl
mama can't sleep
after hours of watching you toss and turn
eyes transfixed to the monitor
I exhale softly as you finally locate dolly
running her ragged stitched body 
over your face 
 
her ponytails stiff
salty
from last night
her body limp
but still-you cling to her tightly
 
my heart swells
the way my stomach did while you were growing inside of it
 
I think of all the unborn
poor little Berkley
who would never forgive his mother
a screaming fetus
that was ripped away from my lean fifteen year old body
 
I couldn’t have understood then
the regret that I would feel
every time your sticky hands reached for my face
and pulled me in for a kiss
 
this love is so fierce
this mama love
 
 
 
 
 
playing house

her tiny fingers clasped a diaper wipe
and pressed it to my nose
she loudly instructed for me to “blow”
and waited inquisitively
 
she wiped my face delicately
the way mommy and daddy do it
and blotted my eyeliner
with a look of disdain
 
she didn’t know what to do with the ugliness
the long black streak of make-up
her eyes, wide and innocent
baffled
by imperfection
 
 


regret
 
I spent five years crafting perfectly written stanzas
about a boy who twirled his hair like my mother
the loss of him at fifteen
and the baby we would never speak about

I emptied my soul on those pieces of paper
and then folded them neatly
into tiny little squares
and tucked them away
like the judge who sealed our mistake

his final thesis at Kalamazoo was a satin heart
sewn together like a pillow
he hammered that delicate heart to a wooden board
and pierced every square inch with nails
 
we see each other occasionally at the bar,
there are no sideways glances
no talks of missed opportunities
 
he stares past me blankly and says hello to my husband
an awkward moment
stinging every inch of my skin
revealing my discomfort
my vulnerability
 
fifteen years later
a working mother, with a small child
I still feel his judgement
his disapproval
of every single word
I am writing in this poem

Bio: L D Diem is a high school English teacher, and a mother to a very active toddler. She survives by consuming large amounts of caffeine on a regular basis.

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