8/7/2020 Washing the Past by Anesce Dremen Odd Wellies CC Washing the Past They cover enough but reveal everything. When naked in front of the mirror, I find myself standing a little taller, even if tears trail occasionally downward to greet them. Within a curtain of water, I often lose myself. Fresh scars shriek when I shower. Irritated red lines protest at less pressure than that which created them. Guess I’m proud of the hot tears that persist every time I lather. Step out of the shower and silence the screaming scars -- Momentarily with a towel. Quick! Rub them raw again before slathering lotion in hopes that they shall fade to a slight line in which others rarely distinguish. I see them every time. I am saddened when they fade. I want to sew a short, crimson dress. Something that doesn’t cover me. Something composed of scarlet screaming bleeding heaving staining reviving memories. White skin fading to reveal my nakedness. I want to be the only one to know that my sexy scars exist. Instead, I pull pants over them-- the pain is duller, and my eyes empty when the skin screams against contact. My skin. A scrap of cotton against fresh wounds. A belt pulled too tight- - - Its buckle biting into bitten-ridden hips. Smile at the pain and pray the fresh blood doesn’t stain your new, yellow pants again. But if they do stain, Will I hide that, too? Why do I cover these scars? They make me sexy; They tell what I am forbidden to. Why am I ashamed to wear red-splotched pants when I fantasize about presenting myself in entirety—scars proudly revealed? I am my own artist. Why do I cover these scars? Why do I cover my scars? They won’t fade. Their numbers reside in the hundreds, possibly more? I stopped counting three years ago at seven-hundred and thirty-some. Their pattern an ugly design, beautifully crafted and invisibly appreciated. ![]() Anesce Dremen is a first generation college student who studied in four cities in China (Xi’an, Beijing, Chengdu, and Suzhou) with the support of the Critical Language Scholarship and the Benjamin A. Gilman Scholarship. She graduated from Carthage College with degrees in Chinese and English literature (creative writing concentration). Her bilingual work has been featured in the Midwest Journal of Undergraduate Research, Carthage Vanguard, the Xi’an Daily, and Shanghai Poetry Lab. While her academic work takes a critical lens to culture, death, and intersectional feminism, her creative writing ranges from fiction to nonfiction to poetry. While updating her travel blog (NeverthelessAway.wordpress.com), she can be found with a tea cup in hand, traveling between the U.S., China, and India. Follow her journey at @WritersDremen Comments are closed.
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December 2024
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